Student Writing Sample: Grade 7,
Argument
This argument was produced for an on-demand assessment.
Students were asked to a write a letter to their principal about a plan to
install video cameras in the classroom for safety reasons.
Video Cameras in Classrooms
You are seated in class as your teacher
explains and points things out on the whiteboard. You twitch your hand,
accidentally nudging your pencil, which rolls off your desk and clatters to the
floor. As you lean over to pick up your pencil, your cell phone falls out of
your coat pocket! Luckily you catch it without your teacher seeing, but it is
in plain view of the video camera’s shiny lens that points straight at you. The
classroom phone rings, and after a brief conversation, your teacher walks over
to your desk and kneels down beside you. “About that cell phone of yours . . .”
How did that get you in trouble? How could it possibly be a good idea to put
cameras in classrooms?
When students are in their classrooms,
teachers are in the classroom too, usually. But when a teacher goes out of the
classroom, what usually happens is either everything goes on as usual, or the
students get a little more talkative. Cameras aren’t there because people talk
a lot. It is the teacher’s job to keep people quiet. If something horrible
happened, somebody in class would usually report it, or it would just be
obvious to the teacher when he came back that something had happened.
If we already have cameras in the
halls, why spend the money to get thirty more cameras for all the different
classrooms? Our school district already has a low budget, so we would be
spending money on something completely unnecessary. There hasn’t been
camera-worthy trouble in classrooms. Camera-worthy trouble would be bad
behavior every time a teacher left the room. There is no reason to install
cameras that might just cause trouble, both for the students and for the
budget.
Different students react differently
when there is a camera in the room. Some students get nervous and flustered,
trying hard to stay focused on their work with a camera focused on them. 90% of
students claim that they do better work when they are calmer, and cameras are
not going to help. Other students look at cameras as a source of entertainment.
These students will do things such as wave at the camera, make faces, or say hi
to the people watching through the camera. This could be a big distraction for
others who are trying to learn and participate in class. Still other students
will try to trick the camera. They will find a way to block the lens or do
something that the camera will not be likely to catch. All of these different
students will be distracted by the cameras in their classrooms.
Instead of solving problems, cameras
would cause the problems. That is why I disagree with the idea to put cameras
in classrooms. This plan should not be put to action.
Annotation for Student Writing Sample:
Grade 7 Argument
The writer of this argument
• introduces a claim about a topic or
concept, although the student does not state the claim directly until the end
of the piece. I disagree with the idea to put cameras in classrooms. This plan should
not be put to action.
• acknowledges and disagrees with a
counterclaim. Instead
of solving problems, cameras would cause the problems.
• supports his claim with logical
reasons. The opening anecdote indicates
that students may be unfairly punished for minor and undisruptive actions. [Cameras are not necessary because] [i]f
something horrible happened, somebody in class would usually report it, or it
would just be obvious to the teacher when he came back that something had
happened. we
already have cameras in the halls . . . Our
school district already has a low budget.
• supports reasons with relevant
evidence. Some students get nervous and flustered, trying hard to stay focused on
their work with a camera focused on them. Other students . . . will do things
such as wave at the camera, make faces, or say hi to the people watching
through the camera. Still other students will try to trick the camera.
• signals the relationship between reasons and evidence using
logical connecting words. If . . . already . . . why . . . so . . . Some
students . . . Other students . . . These students . . . All of these different
students . . .
• sustains an objective style and tone.
When students are in their classrooms,
teachers are in the classroom too, usually. But when a teacher goes out of the
classroom, what usually happens is either everything goes on as usual, or the
students get a little more talkative. Different students react differently when
there is a camera in the room.
• includes only relevant information
and evidence in support of claims, such as in the following example. Different students react differently when
there is a camera in the room.
• provides a concluding section that offers a
restatement and a recommendation that follows from the argument. Instead of solving problems, cameras would
cause the problems. That is why I disagree with the idea to put cameras in classrooms.
This plan should not be put to action.
• demonstrates a very good command of
the conventions of standard written English.
